My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
