If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
