Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
