This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
