I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
