i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
