I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
"it" just moved
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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