fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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