Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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