can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
