oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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