Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
