1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
