i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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