I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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