I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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