just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Let's get the cat blown out
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
