if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
