Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
