He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
