Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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