Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
