Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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