I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
