I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize