I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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