Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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