I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
