I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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