Even the bartender felt bad for me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
