I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
