Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
