Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
