At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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