You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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