he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
