Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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