do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
