Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
