I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
