i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
