I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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