This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize