Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So vagazzling was a success
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
