Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
