I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
