I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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