Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
