i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
