Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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