I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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