That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
