I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
