haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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