for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
