Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
