dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
