She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
