What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
