idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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