is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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