Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
