In the future we'll all be gay
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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