Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
