i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
