Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
