see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
