i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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